Saturday, April 18, 2009
Communcations - video clip
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Making the right decision
Making a decision can be a tricky business. The outcome depends upon what we do (the action) and when we do it (the time). If we don't get the right combination, things might not work out as we expect. This diagram attempts to show what can happen:
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Thursday, October 04, 2007
- strong dissatisfaction
- negative attitude (distrust / dislike) towards those with other preference
- intense emotions
- loss of rational judgment
Monday, October 01, 2007
Bullying seminar notes
Some definitions of bullying
- Name calling
- Spreading rumours
- Making up stories to get people into trouble / take away friends
- hitting / tripping / poking
- remarks about colour / physical appearance / looks
- choosing not to be someones partner
- being left out when choosing teams
- taking possessions / demanding money
- hiding stuff
- sending nasty text messages
- prank phone calls
- doing things that you know will make someone ill
Why do people bully?
- Traumatic event
- it gives power
- because they are spoilt and always want their own way
- because that's what in going on at home
- some are under pressure to succeed, so they "have a go" at those who don't try
- they don't fit in...it's a way of getting some power / respect etc.
- they have no sense of accomplishment...they can get some people to do stuff
- they have a negative attitude...
- could be scared of the bully even years later
- being too scared to do or say anything
- can't except praise
- causes a wrong view of God...if everyone else bullies you...surly God will
- scared of walking to / from meetings / youth group / school etc. May constantly ask to be driven or may change their route.
- they stop coming all of a sudden
- may suddenly become withdrawn..."hide at the back" of the group
- suddenly start stammering
- threaten suicide / run away
- all of a sudden feel ill before some activity
- begin to underachieve....stop giving the right answers...maybe they are being bullied for being bright
- their stuff gets damaged
- they start to lash out
- they stop eating
- they present improbable excuses
- The no blame approach...draw a pictures / write a poem
- Circle time
- Peer group programs
- "Telling", ie, use a message box to allow people to post their concerns
- Sometimes they bring it on themselves...children can spot a victim from an early age
- Some children don't like their name because someone has misused it
- If you suspect someone is being bullied, start recording any incidents in a log book
- Check out the book Odd Girl Out - the hidden culture of aggression in girls
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Developing leaders vs developing followers
We were exploring the issue - is it better to develop leaders or followers? In reality most of us try to develop what he termed to "followers", which in the long run is less effective than developing leaders.
Here's a comparison between developing leaders vs developing followers:
|Leaders that develop followers||Leaders that develop leaders|
|Need to be needed||Want to be succeeded (do themselves out of a job)|
|Focus on weakness||Focus on strengths|
|Develop the bottom 20%||Develop the top 20%|
|Treat the people the same for "fairness" sake||Treat people as individuals for impact|
|Hoard power||Give power away|
|Spend time with others (more socially)||Invest time in others (more focused)|
|Grow by addition||Grow by multiplication|
|Only impact the people they touch||Impact people beyond their reach|
I can recognise some of this in myself - I think where I struggle is "treat people the same". I guess this is because we are so paranoid about favoritism.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Team leaders role
There are two fundamental principles on developing people.
1) Everyone can develop other people, you can do this through:
- affirmation - saying thank you / well done
- Jesus only invested in 12, and within that focused on 3 (and 1 in particular)
- We can't invest the same amount of time in everyone
The team leaders role is to:
- build and maintain the team
- achieve the task
- develop individuals
The leaders must make sure all three of these things happen.
To make these happen, we need to be aware of the "needs" of the "team", "task" and "individual":
The needs of the "individual"
- to be accepted and valued by the leaders
- to be able to contribute to the task
- to know what is expected from them and what is expected from the team
- to be part of the team
- to have clear targets
- to set standards and perform
- to clarify responsibilities
- to achieve / set targets and standards
- to ensure all members contributions are complementary
- to know the leaders style and vision
- to feel a common sense of purpose
- to be supported
- to grow and develop as a unit
- to have a sense of collective achievement
- to have a common identity
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Dealing with conflict
Three myths about conflict
- Conflict can never lead to anything positive
- Conflicts are a result of clashing personalities. Personalities don’t clash, behavior does
- Conflict and anger go together
Four levels of conflict
Generaly speaking there are four causes (or levels) of conflict:
Level 1 – Facts or data. People have the wrong information about stuff
Level 2 – Process or methods. There is a disagreement about how something should be done.
Level 3 – Goals or purpose. When people don’t agree with vision
Level 4 – Values. Where the parties disagree about basic values, ie, one party thinks we should look to the past, others look to the future.
Styles of handling
When dealing with conflict, most of us will fit into one of these roles:
- The problem solver. These people refuse to give in…finding a solution is just a mater of time. This approach tends to work where the parties have common goals
- The super helper. This person wants to see all conflicts resolved. They will fight tooth and nail for someone else but often find it hard to sort out their own issues
- The power broker. We will solve this problem and it does not matter how many casualties there are. All that matters is that we resolve the problem.
- The facilitator. They look for ways of bringing people together
- The fearful looser. These people tend to run from conflict.
- Separate the people from the problem
- Focus on the issues not the positions
- Think about the options that might solve the problem(s). Is there space for compromise?
Insist on objective criteria….on what basis will we agree to disagree? A third party judge?
- Try make it a shared problem, not a conflict problem
- Don’t be personal – behave like adults
- Keep your body language in check
- Try to clarify goals. What outcome is needed and where goal fits?
- Listen carefully ‘underneath the words’ and reflect back, ie, don't just listen to what they are saying....what do their words imply?
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Why does bad stuff happen?
- A God of love will not force you to do something...he will allow you to make your own choices
- God teaches us through suffering
- Bill Hybels in Finding God in the Storms of Life talks about "rouge winds", suggesting that when they strike it causes us to focus on what is really important. It also results in some people coming to faith.
- God tests us though trials
- God may allow certain things to happen for the greater good - we are not in possession of all the facts.
- Look at the story of Joseph in
- See Matthew 7:7-12
- Rob Bell Nooma "Kick ball" DVD uses this analogy
- James Sire "A transcendent God, as a First Cause, created the universe but then left it to run on its own? ...To the deist, then, God is distant, foreign, alien."
- Bill Hybels in Finding God in the Storms of Life..."God took a risk of unimaginable proportions by giving human beings free will...it's like giving a fifteen-year-old kid the keys to a Ferrari...". He also quotes Jeremiah 17:9 and suggests that sometimes we deceive ourselves. There's an example of some guy who smokes 3 packs of cigarettes every day...he gets lung cancer. Who's fault is this? I guess the same principle would apply to things like drink, stress, work or the way we deal with anger, problems etc.
- Genesis 2:15 - 17 "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."
- Romans 3:10 - 18
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
"Wars and murders come from yourselves because you are greedy and lust for power"
- "1) Evil and suffering exist in the world 2) If God were all-powerful, he could prevent evil and suffering 3) If he were all-loving, he would want to prevent these 4) If there were an all-powerful, all-loving God, there would be no evil and suffering in the world 5) God is therefore powerless, loveless or non-existent"
- "If all living things on the earth were created by God, and he was a loving God who made man in his image, how do you explain the fact that he must have created the tapeworm, the malaria parasite, the tetanus germ, polio, ticks, mosquitoes, cockroaches and fleas?"
- "When people respond to tragedy by asking, 'how can there be a just God?' their question is logically flawed, as without him words like 'just' and 'unjust' are purely matters of personal opinion"
- "Far from moral problems ruling out the existence of God, our sense of things being right and wrong, fair or unfair, just or unjust is a strong clue that there is some transcendent standard that affects us all"
- "...suffering reminds us of our physical frailty and of our dependence upon God"
- There is an interesting challenge on page 18. Some guy who wants to know why there was "so much evil in the world" is challenged to say "what you have done about the evil you see within you"
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Talk response 13: friendship braclet
Make a friendship bracelet. Each strand could represents a prayer. I think I saw this at Spring Harvest
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