Note some of the sub-headings in the "middle bit" are taken from an
article by John Allen in youthwork
magazine
Talk Introduction
Tonight our discussion is Sex and relationships
What we feel about it
What sex is for
Who sex is for
Some of the myths
What the Bible has to say about it
I realise that for some of you, this might be embarrassing
Please don’t let that stop you joining in…whatever you say; it won’t
embarrass Lisa or me…
I want you to feel free to use the language that you would normally use to
talk about this stuff, even if that includes the odd rude word….
To start, we’re going to watch the first 4 minutes of the film Virtual Sexuality
The film starts... "Ok here, goes, I’m Justine…I live at…I’m a vegetarian…and I’m a virgin…
so I’ve got to make a choice…I’ve got to choose a bloke to, you know, do it
with…but like how do I know which one? If only blokes had bar codes… How
do you know which is Mr right bloke?"
Gender wise…being a girl is the best…I mean blokes…what are they all
about? Men are a mystery…not like us, we are totally more evolved…
…if you’re right…I run the risk of never doing ‘it’. I could be
the worlds first 104 year old virgin…you only loose your virginity once, so
you want to do it right, right? You want to be able to look back and
think, you know, warm stuff about the night you lost it, not oh shit! Why did
you do it with that creep?"
3 mins -
"…such a great word isn’t it…vortex…"
Either stop the tape just before the sun beds, or at 4 mins when the words ‘virtual sexuality’ appear on the screen
The middle bit
In the clip we’re just seen, Justine was stressing about been a virgin…why
is that such a problem?
If you don’t know what a virgin is…
Why do you think Justine was in such a rush to get rid of her virginity?
Because people think your odd
Because everybody’s doing it etc.
Do people your age stress about been a virgin / having sex?
Why? Who makes you stress?
What do people say about sex and stuff?
Do you talk to your friends about sex?
Do your parents talk to you about it?
Do you think girls think differently about sex than boys?
Do you think boys stress about having sex?
[What do you think about school sex education?]
[When is it right to have sex?]
[When is it wrong?]
[Have you ever felt under pressure to do ‘stuff’ you don’t want to do?]
There are a lot of hang-up’s and myths about sex or the lack of it…(get
them to read these out and debate)
"Everybody's doing it"
Do you think this is true?
That's not been my personal experience...
Jesus didn’t and plenty of others in the Bible who didn’t (Paul in 1 Cor
7)
[Cite some famous people who stand up form abstinence]
Are you? (rhetorical question)
If you’re not, there are plenty of others who aren’t
Quote "A national sex survey by the independent found that 75% of under
16s had not had sex; 25% had, but half of them wished they hadn't"
"About 4000 girls aged under 16 have abortions each year"
"Sexual experience makes you a real man / woman"
What do you think men think about this?
Do you think having sex makes you a better person?
1 Corinthians 7 Page 410 (The Message) "But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God
gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to
others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness
might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if
they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go
ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by
far to a sexually tortured life as a single"
"Sex won't magically make you a man/woman: you have to grow into that
state."
"You can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex…."
What have they told you at school?
You get pregnant on your first time or 100th time, just don’t know
You can also get pregnant without even having sex…fiddling about
"Oral sex is safe…"
What have they told you at school?
You’re unlikely to get pregnant, but you can still get a sexual disease…
"Virginity is unnatural and can lead to bad health or cancer"
As far as I am aware there is no evidence to that effect.
If you start having sex at a young age, you are more likely to get cancer.
There is evidence that women with multiple male sexual partners are more
likely to develop cervical cancer
Mention STDs
"Trying to control your impulses will send you crazy…"
We've got to face it, sexual desires / feelings are powerful
But saying that is ok to do something just because you feel the urge?
Many people find this hard, and give in to their feelings…
But part of been a grown up is learning to control your feelings
Unfortunately getting it wrong, could be called “having a baby”
"Sex is OK as long as you love each other” (Lead into Bible bit)
This is the message that we hear on the TV
Personally I think that if you truly love someone, you would be willing to
wait…
The Bible bit
The Bible tells us that God invented sex (Genesis 1:26-31) so it’s got to
be a good thing…
Who do you think God invented it for?
For people who are committed to each other. In Bible terms, that
means marriage
Genesis 2:24-25 "So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife,
and the two will become one body. The man and his wife were naked, but
they were not ashamed"
We are told that those who are married should be having lots of sex…
1 Corinthians 7:4-5 ”The wife does not have full rights over her own body; her husband shares
them. And the husband does not have full rights over his own body; his
wife shares them. Do not refuse to give your bodies to each other,
unless you both agree to stay away from sexual relations for a time so you can
give your time to prayer”
Why do you think God says we should save sex for marriage?
It’s a gift that we can only give once…
If we miss use it, it can cause a lot a hurt
Is that fair?
1 Corinthians 6:12 “I am allowed to do all things,” but all things are not good for me….
The Bible says that it is something special (1 Corinthians 6-7)
It’s not just a physical thing, but a ‘spiritual’ thing…
In other words, when a man and woman ‘get it on’ something ‘magic’ happens
You become ‘one’ with that person
If what you are doing is somehow wrong, it ‘dirty’ not just you, but God
Because as a Christian, God is part of you
Conclusion
This is a difficult subject, for many reasons
At time’s we will have strong feeling that we will find hard to cope with
To make things worse, we live in a society that is obsessed with sex, it
in the papers, TV everywhere
For some of us, that will make it very difficult to live up to what God’s
expects of us
I want you to know that you get this wrong
God is always be there, and will give you another chance if you want (1
Corinthians 6:9-11)
And I hope you know we will be there too…
To finish I’d like you to write down any questions that want to ask or
things struggle with…that you would like us to pray about and talk about…
